smile
by rolly21
Summary: when meredith and derek move home to work for her parents, neither expected to find out that there was more to her family than they had previously known. how will they handle everything that comes their way?
1. Chapter 1

**Sometimes I wonder**  
**How I'd ever make it through,**  
**Through this world without having you**  
**I just wouldn't have a clue**

**'Cause sometimes it seems**  
**Like this world's closing in on me,**  
**And there's no way of breaking free**  
**And then I see you reach for me**

**Sometimes I wanna give up**  
**I wanna give in,**  
**I wanna quit the fight**  
**And then I see you, baby**  
**And everything's alright,**  
**everything's alright**

**When I see you smile**  
**I can face the world, oh oh,**  
**you know I can do anything**  
**When I see you smile**  
**I see a ray of light, oh oh,**  
**I see it shining right through the rain**  
**When I see you smile**  
**Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me**

**Baby there's nothing in this world**  
**that could ever do**  
**What a touch of your hand can do**  
**It's like nothing that I ever knew**

**And when the rain is falling**  
**I don't feel it,**  
**'cause you're here with me now**  
**And one look at you baby**  
**Is all I'll ever need,**  
**you're all I'll ever need**

**When I see you smile**  
**I can face the world, oh oh,**  
**you know I can do anything**  
**When I see you smile**  
**I see a ray of light, oh oh,**  
**I see it shining right through the rain**  
**When I see you smile**  
**Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me**

**Sometimes I wanna give up**  
**I wanna give in,**  
**I wanna quit the fight**  
**And then I see you baby**  
**And everything's alright,**  
**everything's alright**

Derek had known a long time ago that some things were inevitable. These things were on a long list hanging in the back of his closet. On that list he was sure he could find 'working for your in-laws'. He had known since the day of his wife's car accident that it was going to eventuate. It had seemingly woken her parents up to what they had almost lost and it had reminded him so much of what he had. He had somehow managed to delay the inevitable long enough for her to go through rehab, and she had worked on extending it by completing another fellowship on which not only meant that he got to see more of her but also meant that she was flecible in ways that defeated her restriction.

Shrugging back the blanket that had been snuggly wrapped around their bodies, he tenderly ran a hand over her stomach, cupping and caressing it in the way that he had done since she had become pregnant with their little boy. Presing a lingering kiss to her shoulder, he finally made a move to unwrap his legs from hers and made sure not to jostle the bed too much as he detached himself. He pulled the blankets back up over her partially naked body before moving into their ensuite. He could hear his son moving around his room and he hoped that he would continue to entertain himself until he was finished showering and getting dressed. He also hoped that he could get both himself and Michael dressed with breakfast on the table before Meredith woke. It was quite the possibilitly.

Sparing a quick look back at his sleeping wife he moved to ease the door closed, trying to remove the possibility of anything waking her. He then took time to strip down, glimpsing himself in the mirror, noting the changes that had occured over the past few years. He then turned towards the shower and began moving through the motions of his morning routine.

...smile...

Meredith had woken to an empty bed. She had hoped that Derek's body would still be pressed into her side, but it hadnt been and it had only made her miss him.

Letting out a small sigh she stretched her arms before using them to lift her body up into a sitting position, her arm muscles flexing slightly. She felt tired like she hadnt really gotten enough sleep and she knew that she probably hadnt. After last nights small argument with Derek, she had managed to stay awake and analyse everything that had been said. It had all been a mixed blur from a "i did this for you" and a "we left my family in the east just so we can be here with yours, the least you could do is be grateful."

She had spent a while pondering his words. She had spent sometime watching Michael sleep, her miracle baby all snugged up, cuddling his pillow in his racing car bed. The rest of the time she had spent beside Derek wondering how he couldnt see how grateful seh was. She had thought that she could show him this morning but he was already up and out of bed.

Pushing the blankets off of her lifeless legs she then moved her body closer to the edge of the bed before swiftly moving herself into her chair. She was quick to re-adjust her legs before moving towards the bathroom. She had set her clothes aside in there last night ready for today. A quick shower would be all she needed so she didnt bother closing the ensuite door. She knew her boys were busy, she could only just hear then moving around downstairs. She could only hope that Derek would be waiting for when when she got out.

...smile...

Derek watched as Michael sat eating his pancakes quietly. He couldnt believe thir son was almost 4. His lose blonde curls were remarkably like his own when he was that age, and he couldnt help but smile at the combintion that was he and Meredith.

He had heard the shower switch off minutes ago, and he knew that it wouldnt be long until the elevator began its steady progress down with Meredith inside it.

He moved steadily around the room, pouring Merediths coffee before dishing up her pancakes, lightly suguring them before placing them in her spot at the end of the table. He did this before serving up his own knowing that they had half an hour to eat before dropping Michael at daycare and then clocking on for their first shifts at Seattle Grace.

As he sat down in his seat he heard the elevator ding and watched as Meredith rolled out. She was casually dressed in a pair of jeans and a black fitted tee that accentuated the curves of her breasts. He knew a long time ago that he was lucky to have her but he always stared in awe and today was no different

She carefully wheeled herself up to the table. The layout of the house was still fairly new to her and he knew it wouldnt take too long for her to completely adjust.

When they had decided to come here a year ago he began looking around for a new house. Of course there hadnt been any on the market that were wheel chair friendly and any house he had sent Ellis and Richard to inspect that he thought could be adapted were hopeless. It had taken them a month to find the land on Bainbridge island, another month to get the plans drawn up by his brother-in-law and then the past 8 months having the place built.

The house had cost a fortune with every thing he needed to make sure Meredith was comfortable. He knew that he had probably taken it too far with a few things like the heated rehabilitation pool where she could do all her exercises and the gym that went with it, not to mention the elevator that went between all 4 levels of the house. He had planned the attic as the future games room for Michael and any other children they would have and the basement had been designated as their own private retreat.

He smiled softly at Meredith once she had positioned herself comfortably at the table and whispered a soft good morning before leaning over to brush his lips against hers. She had caught him by surprise when she held him there, her hadn in his hair as she moved to deepen the kiss.

They didnt break apart until they heard Michaels 'eeeeeew' followed by a fit of giggles.

"I love you" she told him without letting him go. "I am grateful, and i do know this is big." she added as he leant in the kiss her again, his lips brushing over hers once more.

"I know" he simply murmured as he rested his head against hers and let out a sigh. They had both ben tired last night and he had understood that she was frustrated from bumping into a few things yesterday and then not being able to find what she had been looking for. Tiredness had caused their argument and they both knew that in these small moments it was put to the back of their minds and forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

Seattle Grace Hospital. As a kid had always been her home. She had grown up here. She slept in the on-call rooms, played in the O.R gallery. It was where she had thought she would train. Of course she had continued to think that right up until she had met the dark haired, blue eyed nerd who lived across the hall who just happened to be studying pre-med at college. He was a year above her and seemed to just save her during the day and rescue her at night. She had never thought marrying that man would keep her from doing that, nor could she have ever imagined returning in a wheel chair, a son in her lap and her husband by her side. They were all set for daycare and work. Things seemed to change when you least expect it. She knew that too well. However she knew she should be concentrating on the fact that her husband had just come to a pause in front of her and she had almost ran into him.

Turning to see the large window, Meredith realised that they had just reached the daycare. From where she had paused she could see the carers moving around setting up tables to colour and paint and the other areas for building with blocks. There was only one child in the room and Meredith had recognised him straight away as little Tuck, her nephew. She hadnt been surprised to see him here, just as she hadnt been surprsed that Miranda Bailey, her adopted sister, was working today.

Meredith ran a hand up and down Michaels back of his head. "Are you going to be a good boy today?" she asked him as she then ran a hand through his hair. He was quick to turn around, frowning at her and she didn't know whether it was because he didnt really want to be going to daycare or because this wasnt the day care that he knew.

"Mommy not the hair." he groaned and Meredith couldnt help but giggle as she pulled him in for a hug. As she did this she looked past him to Derek who was standing there with a smirk on his face.

Meredith then let him go as her little boy pulled back. "I love you mommy." Michael said to her sweetly before he gave her a quick kiss and climbed off of her lap.

Derek moved forward to bob down in front of him. "Now remember one of us will come and get you for lunch." She heard him say, "and Tuck is here for you to play with" he said as he pointed out as he pulled their son up into his arms.

"Okay Daddy" Michael replied with a smile as he pinched his fathers cheeks.

Derek gave his son a quick kiss on the cheek before carrying him into the daycare. Meredith followed and signed Michael in while Derek set him down with Tuck to play. She could see the carers watching him as Tuck gave him a quick hug before turning to play with Michael.

"It's a surprise to see him make a friend." she heard one carer comment.

"Bailey should really know about him hugging strangers."

"Maybe thats the new man in Bailey's life"

"Look at him, as if Bailey could land that." the last one said and Meredith knew that she had heard enough.

Clearing her throat she handed up the sign in book. "For the record" she stated, knowing that she had all of their attention. "My nephew has friends, my husband isnt a piece of meat and my sister is one of the most amazing people on this earth. She could have a man like that. Beauty isnt just skin deep." she snapped before wheeling over to give Tuck and Michael a quick kiss before leading Derek out of the room. He hadnt said anything about what Meredith had said, instead he waited until they were inside of the elevator before he moved to stand in front of her. He then proceeded to lean in, bracing his hands on the side of the chair before he kissed her with all he had. He loved it when she was jealous, and even more so when she was standing up for her family. It had taken a lot for her to reach this place and he loved it.

...smile...

It had been the rarest of occasions for which Derek had ever found himself in the Chiefs office, this occurrence being one of them and yet its was one that he had expected. He had just received his new schedule, although stepping in as the new head of neuro meant that he was soon able to arrange his own schedule. Meredith, however, sat beside him looking over her own schedule. She was yet to comment or even look up from the paper in her hands and he was curious as to what was bothering her.

"Now i expect that your schedule should be fine Derek. Do you have any questions?" he heard Richard, his father in law ask.

"Office?" Derek asked as he pried his eyes away from his wife. He watched as Richard warily looked at Meredith.

"Oh yeah, its ummmm, its currently being altered so you wont be in there for a week." he heard him answer as his gaze moved back to his own. "There was a few things that needed to be fixed."

Derek nodded not too sure of what kind of fixtures his office would need to undergo.

"Right, well..." Richard had seemingly trailed off.

"Can i speak wtih you Chief?" Meredith finally spoke up and Derek could see now that she was livid.

"Mer" Derek sounded as he moved closer to her. He was about to reach for her schedule. She moved it away from him.

"Please just..." Meredith said as she looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"I'll go get our scrubs and things." Derek resigned and Meredith knew she would have to explain to him shortly what she was upset about.

"Thanks" she replied, her eyes showing how grateful she was as she gripped his hand and pulled him down for a kiss. "I love you." she murmured as she let him pull back and listened as he sounded an "I know". She then waited for him to leave the room before turning back to the man who had practically raised her.

"Whats the problem Merry?" she heard him ask as he moved to stand from behind his desk.

"Dont" Meredith warned as she put her hand up to signal for him to stay where he was. "I'm not your little girl anymore, I'm an attending." she stated as she unlocked her break and moved closer to the table.

"Dr Shepherd" he warned as she moved forward.

"I dont believe i signed a contract stating that i was willing to spend half of my time in Cardio." she stated. "Its not what i do."

"Meredith" she heard him try again. "You are..." he started and stopped when she cut him off.

"Im a neurosurgeon." she told him firmly.

"Your dual trained." he reminded her.

"I'm not touching hearts." she told him just as firmly.

"Now you listen!" Richard started as he began to move around his desk.

"No you listen!" She shouted. "I gave up on that. I gave up on that along time ago. I operate on brains and spines now." she told him as she put her schedule on his desk.

"Meredith be reasonable." he warned.

"Come find me when you've fixed my schedule." she instructed as she reversed back and moved out of the room, her wheels rubbing on the door frame. "And widen these while your at it. Anyone would think this place wasnt wheelchair accessible" she grumbled finding her way out. It wasn't until she was out on the catwalk that she bothered to look back to see him scrunch up a piece of paper and reach for his phone that she realised that she possibly had crossed the line. She could only now imagine what was going to happen next.


	3. Chapter 3

Meredith should not have been surprised by Derek's presence in the attendings locker room, after all it was he who had said that he would get their scrubs and things. She however was quite happy to admire him in his navy blue scrub pants. It really did wonders for her eyes. She was sure it would be further enhanced by the scrub toop but she wasnt complaining about the shirtless body of his She rolled forward and pulled up in front of him. His eyes seeking out hers as soon as she looked up from his chest. "I'd ask you to go shirtless all day if i wasnt worried about the female staff members." she said with a wink but noticed she only received the faintest of smiles.

"Can i see your schedule now?" he asked her and she could see the concern in his eyes and the hurt from her having not shown him before.

"I dont have one." she said as she reached for his hand, the only way they could always feel connected. She linked their fingers before he even had a chance to pull his hand back. "I dont have one because i left it with the Chief. He screwed it up." she added.

"What?" Derek asked and she could see the anger begin to fill in the place the concern had been.

"There was a mistake and i so kindly pointed it out." Meredith told him. "He will come find me when its fixed. Until then i am a nomad."

"What was wrong with it?" he asked and Meredith knew that he could react in one of two ways and either wouldnt be too great.

"Der" she said as she leaned forward in her chair and put her head against his chest.

"Meredith" he said this time and it sounded like the one he would give Michael when he was doing something he shouldnt.

"He had me spending time in Cardio." she finally told him and she could feel his body tense in reaction.

Derek scrunched up his scrub top as he twisted it in his hands. He couldnt believe his father in law. "So what now?" he asked as he practically lifted her off of her chair and onto the bench beside him.

"Now he fixes my schedule." she told him as she began to remove her shirt. She heard Derek suck in a breath and she knew that he was taking in the view of her firm stomach and lean body. On removing it completely she then took some time to look over her husband before leaning in to kiss him. Derek pulled her close as he kissed her back gently.

"I'm supposed to be settling in." he told her as he rested his head against hers.

"Me too." she sighed in reply as she pulled back. "I think i will check on Michael first." she added as she began to pull on her scrub top. "You know, make sure he isnt getting tuck into any trouble."

"I'm sure Tuck can do that pretty well by himself." Derek told her.

"No harm in checking." she reminded him. "after all he is your son." she giggled.

Derek gave her a semi shocked look. "My son?" he asked "Of course none of his habits come from you" he mocked.

"Absolutely none" she giggled again as she went back to getting dressed

...smile...

Michael had appeared to have settled in well. That was something she had noticed as he and Tuck were painting together. She was sat in line with the window watching as they worked. The carers were obviously sitting back watching enthralled by the interaction between the two boys.

"They remind me of us." a voice said and Meredith turned to look at her sister who had come to pause beside her.

"Except i was the quiet one." Meredith answered cheekily knowing that her sister had a different recollection of things, sure enough she heard a scoff from her.

"So what are you doing down here anyway?" her sister than asked and Meredith turned to look up at her sister knowing that she would already know.

"Whatever happened to Miranda Bailey knows all?" Meredith askeed as she raised an eyebrow at the look she wsa recieving.

"Fine, so i know." Miranda answered with a shrug, "but it doesnt explain to me why your husband has been brooding around the PIT without you by his side."

Meredith pondered her words for a moment "I didnt know a marriage license meant that we had to be attached at the hips" she replied "besides if i was sticking to that piece of crap dad gave me then i would be reporting to Dr Altman right now in regards to my set Cardio patients."

Meredith watched as her sister kept her eye on her son. "So he went ahead with the cardio thing?" Miranda stated. "He had mentioned he might in the 'I dont think she gave herself a chance to adapt' way."

Meredith shook her head. "Would have been nice for a heads up."

"I've been a little busy." Miranda promptly replied before turning away from the day care window.

"Sure" Meredith sighed as she reversed her chair back.

"Look he's right, and he's doing what is best. Your just too stubborn." Miranda said without looking away from their kids.

"And your just a kiss arse." Meredith states as she turned and began to make her way down the hall, disappointed in her family and their inabilities to leaver her be.

... smile...

It had taken a whole hour of procrastinating and floating around the clinic treating patients before Meredith was paged back to her fathers office. She was not sure what to expect. After finishing up with her patient she replaced the folder and made her way through the automated doors.

As she began her progression through the building she began to get nervous. She knew that it was a possibility that her schedule had not been changed and that she would have another fight in her hands. She knew that if she had to be honest than she would admit to being tired of fighting. She had too many fights over the past four years when it came to her career and even though she hadnt voiced it, she had actually considered giving up everything and and just becoming a stay at home mom to her son that had defied the odds.

She ran on auto pilot through the hospital, barely acknowledging those that jumped out of her way or held the doors open for her. Either way she had eventually found her way to her fathers office where she could see through the glass wall. Spotting not only her father and mother but also Larry Jennings a person she remembered from the board. She could almost be certain that her butterflies increased just on seeing him.

Uncertainty had her wanting to turn back while her anger had her rolling forward towards thed oor. She hadnt been surprised to find the door open. They were obviously waiting for her. Merediths eyes found her mothers for a brief moment and it had just been long enough for her to notice the frown that was creasing her forehead.

"Dr Shepherd" she heard her father greet her and she merely nodded before rolling herself further into the room, halting just in front of her welcoming party.

Meredith didnt look to speak, she knew the games her father could play and she sat instead waiting for them to start. She almost had no doubt about the role of Jennings presence and she was ready for whatever ultimatum would be delivered.

"Dr Shepherd" her father finally spoke "You've been called here to talk about your schedule" he clarified and Meredith could only roll her eyes at him trying to be official.

"Cut the shit Richard, she's your daughter, she can see through the act." she heard her mother bite quickly and Meredith had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Ellis" she heard her father sigh.

"Jennings i know what you're doing here and you dont need to. You're not bullying her." Ellis stated before turning to Richard "and neither are you. You promised her a job in neuro so I dont get why you are pulling this cardio crap."

"Ellis, Richard an I had an agreement." Jennings spoke up and Meredith decided now would be the time for her to wheel her way into the conversation.

"I'm sure he promised a dual trained surgeon and I assure you if circumstances change and my legs begin to function then i will do both." she stated "but until then my contract was for neuro. I'm sure i dont need to bring in my lawyer." she added wanting to make Jennings squirm.

"That wont be necessary" her father stated and she looked to see her mother glaring at him.

"Whats the chance of you walking again?" she heard Jennings ask and she turned to look at him carefuly.

"About the same chance as Derek and I swimming in the amazon only for him to have a penis fish lodge itself in his penis, so 1 in a million." she told him with a knowing glance and she watched as he turned a dark red almost crimson. "Oh thats right, that was you who was the lucky guy." she quiped.

Meredith then looked back at her father who was looking just as embarrassed. "My Schedule?" she asked and he promptly handed her a piece of paper. "Thanks, I will report to the new department head over lunch." she said with a smile as she reverse turned and left the room but not before seeing the twinkle of pride in her mothers eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**sorry i havent updated - 3d world was kicking my arse... and now that its a new year here in aus, am hoping to spend some time bringing my stories up to date and finishing them too... enjoy**

Derek was relieved to have recieved an SMS message from Meredith to tell him that she was collecting Michael and taking him to the cafeteria. He was more so relieved because it meant that he could find out what had happened in regards to her schedule. As it was he had heard that Ellis had been brought in and was currently visiting Richard. From what he could gather her presence was supposed to be as a reinforcement for the crap he was currently pulling.

It didnt take long for him to locate Meredith. She was pulling up at a table with Michael. It was obvious that she was debating what she was going to do about food. He smiled as he watched his son talk animatedly to her and he could only guess that he was giving her a complete rundown of what had happened in day care so far.

He had moved quickly through the crowd to reach her and on reaching her side he had swooped in for a quick kiss. She had smiled against his lips before he kissed her again and it was obviously to the disgust of their son that they pulled apart. "Keep talking with him." he informed her "and i will come back with lunch." It didnt take much for her to agree especially when the lining up would be painful for her.

"I want" she started and he quickly cut her off with a "Let me surprise you." he said quickly.

"It wont be much of a surprise." she replied and they both knew that it was true. From the day she had been put in a wheel chair most of her foods were healthy. There were foods that were just an out right no no and then there were others that could be eaten sparingly. Of course Derek mainly chose foods from the column 'eat more of' which suggested that he would most likely get her a salad and some water, or maybe a fruit juice.

He disappeared quickly aiming to get through the line fast. He was thankful that they had come to the cafeteria earlier than most as it meant that the cues were shorter and it was easier for Meredith to navigate her way through the tables.

He accumulated their food promptly as he didnt need to stop to consider the options. He had decided to be a little leanient on the food thing today. He had figured that after what had happened with her father that she deserved a little bit of spoiling. Of course that didnt stop the old cafeteria lady giving him a puzzled look in regards to his food choices.

On returning to Merediths side he handed out the lunches before putting Michael on his own seat, allowing him the independece of eating his small ham and cheese sandwich, yoghurt and juice. He then sat down beside Meredith and examined his food options before looking up at her as she played with her food.

"So what happened?" he gently asked and his reaching for her hand caused her to look up from her distraction.

It took her a moment to think about her answer before she decided to give him a detailed description of the events in the Chiefs office. When she told him about Larry Jennings he couldnt help but laugh at loud and he knew that he had drawn attention to them. After the laughter stopped he could see the traces of sadness in her eyes and all he could do was squeeze her hand for reassurance.

"He doesnt know does he?" he asked after a moment, he had checked quickly that Michael was still distracted before adding "He doesnt know what happened?

Meredith let out a sigh before shaking her head. "He think I never gave cardio another try. I guess mom never told him what happened, but i dont know why?"

**...smile...**

Lunch had been exactly what they had both needed, time to reassure each other. Meredith knew that Derek would need just as much reassurance as she did.

They had returned Michael to daycare under the curious eyes of the carers. Meredtih had watched them ogle Derek yet again but couldnt say that she was too bothered because she knew that he had never noticed. He had only noticed one other woman, an ex, and it had been a long time ago. It was before they had even married and it was the kick in the pants she needed.

It was after lunch that Derek had decided to get all the neuro residents and attendings together. He had wanted to introduce himself and Meredith. She stayed by his side the whole time knowing that he was completely nervous.

The other doctors had looked her over more so than they had him. She could tell that they had first thought that she was being the token wife making herself seen. Of course their expressions changed once Derek had introduced her.

She couldnt possibly fathom what they were all thinking, especially after someone mentioned the confusion of having 2 doctor Shepherds in neuro, and mistakes being made when asking to page Shepherd.

Meredith had just sat back and watched as Derek took it all in his stride. It was obvious that he had thought about this somewhat. "I'm sure if you page a Shepherd for all sense and purposes we will both be able to do fantastic jobs, however, if you want Mer ask for the She - Shepherd. Thats what would happen in New York and it worked well."

Meredith had been relieved when it was all over, more so because she could return to Doctoring and also because she had been tired of being stared at. She almost wanted to get a C.T. on all of them to make sure that there wasnt a problem causing it.

The clinic had been the place Meredith had chosen to go and help out while Derek had headed back to the PIT. She could tell that he wanted a surgery to cap off the day while Meredith was quite happy to loiter in the clinic where she could return to the basics of medicine. Where she didnt really need to think at all and she knew she could sit and think about the mornings events and the memories it had stirred up. She knew she was in a brighter place now, unlike before. She had been dark and twisty, a time when her psychologist had described her as a building storm, full of thunderous explosions and striking anger. She knew she had a right to have been angry. Now though she didnt want to return to the dark place. She just wanted to be.


	5. Chapter 5

The storm brewing inside Merediths mind had been obvious to Derek when he and their son had climbed into the car with her. She had decided to take driving point and Derek hadnt been too sure whether it was a good idea but she had managed to get them all home safely without speeding, snapping or any other signs of road rage.

He had offered to get dinner ready knowing that she would hit the gym and pool to get her exercises done and he had hoped that by the time she had returned it would have decipitated but it hadnt and he was not sure what to expect. It had been a good couple of years since he had seen her like this, well this bad. The last time being when she had been told that the chance of them making another baby the natural way was 5% and hearing odds like that had crushed her and he had been left to weather a storm that had almost broken them.

She had been silent through dinner and running on auto pilot by the time she had put Michael to bed. He knew that it was bad when she hadnt come back downstairs to help him tidy up so he completed the task himself before heading upstairs.

He found her perched on the end of the bed . She looked distant, cold, naked. Her pert nipples standing to attention, the cold obviously affecting her body.

He moved towards her hesitantly before taking a seat beside her. She still hadnt spoken to him when he reached for her hand.

He watched as her head dropped and her body began to shake. Then suddenly a heart wrenching sob tore through her and he was pulling her body onto his lap and her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck as she cried into his chest and all he could do was hold her tight and not think of letting go.

Tonight she needed him, and as he began to rock her in his arms he had to ask himself 3 things.

1. Was moving a mistake?  
2. How can i make tomorrow better? and;  
3. Will i have to kill Richard for this?

As her body eased into a sleeping state he stood and moved to put her into bed and under the covers before he stripped off to join her there.

**...smile...**

Darkness swarmed like a chill. Random flashes of life breaking through. Suddenly it froze on a setting scene.

_ A scream pierced her hearing and then she realised it was herself screaming as she turned her body trying to shielf her bulging belly, her baby. Tears flooded her eyes as she felt the impact. Glass shattering as her body jolted forward before her hip slammed into the steering wheel. She couldnt remember turning her body that much. She was numb. She could feel the blood trickling down her face as her eyes drifted close. _

A chill swarmed over her again, random flashes and then a frozen screen finally coming into play.

_ the beeping of a heart monitor filled the room. Somewhere there was a baby crying and then a horrible feeling gripped her. Something she hadnt felt before as tears streaked her cheeks and she remembered what had happened. A sob escaped her as she felt a hand reach for hers and a familiar voice, Dereks voice, encouraged her to open her eyes. Slowly she did, expecting to see grief filling his eyes but was surprised to see a look of relief washing over him. "B... baby" she managed to get out as her hand drifted to her stomach and she could feel the difference weighing on her shoulders_

"He's okay Mer, well he will be." she heard Derek murmur as tears began to fill his eyes. "You did good Mer, you did real good." he told her as he carefully climbed onto the bed beside her and it was only then that she knew that something else must be wrong. 

The chill over came her again and light flickered before her eyes before random spaces filtered through and the world stopped spinning again and her eyes fluttered open. She could feel the tears that she had cried in her sleep. Dereks arms were wrapped around her and she could feel him rocking her.

"It's okay, we're all safe." Derek whispered and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

She didnt look at him, she couldnt, her eyes were focused on her wheel chair. It was the end result from her accident, the same accident that still occasionally haunted her as it had just done.

"Michael" she finally managed to stumble out and Derek hushed her for a moment.

She sometimes thought that the life she was currently living was just a dream, and that she was living in denial, that she had really lost their baby boy, or that she was really laying somewhere in a coma and this was all just apart of a dream.

"It's okay, you havent woken him." Derek finally told her.

Meredith let out a sigh of relief as she turned her head and looked up at Derek. She could see the worry that was written all over his face. "I hate him." she murmured. "I hate that he did this to us." Derek pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "I wish he was dead" she somehow managed and he knew that it was true because he had often wished that too.

The publicity from the accident had been massive and everyone had been outraged by the man who caused it. The supreme high court judge who had been drink driving in the middle of the day. It was Sam, Amelia's husband that had lead the law suit that not only covered Merediths hospital bills and rehab but had left a pretty penny in their bank account, mainly in Michaels trust fund. They hadnt been sure about the law suit, even now they weren't. Money didnt mean anything, Derek personally hated it but it had covered their bills and it had meant that Meredith and Michael had recieved the best treatment.

Seattle was supposed to be a new adventure. It was supposed to help them escape the memories but it seemed like the small things could build up so quickly. He could only hope that this was going to be the worst of it all.

"Merry lets have a bath and get you relaxed." he told her as he tilted her head up to look at him. "Its too close to morning to go back to sleep" he added before he leaned in and brushed his lips across hers. " I love you." he said as he rested his head against hers. "I promise we'll be alright."


	6. Chapter 6

**hey all, im sorry i havent updated - these have all been prewritten - i have just been too lazy and caught up in reading other peoples fics, working and writing a novel... enjoy**

Meredith had felt better, well mostly better after her session in the tub with Derek. He had held her close to his body, rubbed her shoulders and back before he reminded her just how much he had loved her and still did. Of course after a nightmare like she had experienced and the break down that had occurred Meredith expected Derek to hover, not just in the bath tub or during breakfast but also at work. He had at first, but then they had both been paged 911 to the pit. Meredith had to race towards her electric chair that has been stored in the back room while Derek had been quick to answer the page. They had been separated from that moment.

Meredith had landed a case of an 8 year old girl who has hit her head on the windscreen as her body had been projected out of the car. Her head injuries were not the little girls only problem, and she had been quick to page Arizona Robbins, Calliope Torres and her sister, She knew after yesterday that the situation with her sister would not be easy. However, she knew that in order to have the best for this little girl that she needed her.

Instincts had told her to page cardio. Of course she didn't. She knew she was quite capable of diagnosing the patient and she really wanted to see what she was dealing with before going ahead.

C.T. was busy, and Meredith had managed to get her patient bumped up the list and she was second behind Derek's patient.

She had watched him study the screen of his patient closely; she had managed to wheel herself into the room, letting her chair lower her in the process. She had Miranda waiting to take the patient into the room and Arizona and Calliope stood by the door waiting for the room to be freed up, as space was limited between the technician and the resident that was following Derek around.

Meredith watched as the resident turned to look at her and looked her over before turning back and putting a hand on Derek's shoulder. "So what have we got Dr Shepherd?" she heard the young resident ask.

"Dr Kepner I suggest you remove your hand from my shoulder. I assure you my wife packs a punch and you wouldn't be the first girl she decked." she heard him reply.

Meredith smiled as she moved her chair forward to pull up next to him. She knew that he knew she was there and she reached over and rubbed his leg. "What have you got?" she asked sweetly.

She watched as Derek smiled and began to explain to her exactly what he had. As he did Meredith began to stroke his leg.

"Dr Shepherd, your wife?" They heard Dr Kepner say as she struggled to make herself heard.

"Is right here." Meredith stated as Derek leaned over and kissed her softly.

They could hear a chuckle coming from behind them and Meredith turned her head slightly to see Arizona and Calliope watching on.

"Oh" they heard Dr Kepner sound and they watched as she scurried out of the room.

"Well that was easy." Meredith murmured as she looked at Derek who reached forward to push her bangs back.

"Will i see you for lunch?" he asked before gesturing to Merediths patient who was currently being lifted with care onto the mat.

"I dont think so" she sighed as her eyes stayed on the little girl. "I think this is going to take a while."

"Page me if you need me." he told her as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I will get you some lunch and put it aside for you." he added.

"Thanks" she murmured as he stood before leaning to kiss her forehead.

"Good luck" he said softly before walking out and she could only hope that luck was with them.

Smile…smile…smile…smile…

Meredith couldnt believe the scans that she had witnessed of the young girls. Together with the others she had managed to make a plan of attack. Her plan had been stopped when she was informed that there was no cardio surgeon available to monitor the surgery. Her father had told her that there was no chance for her to get somebody in her surgery. She knew what he was trying to do, and if it wasn't a little girls life on the line then she would have put the surgery off and waited it out. Instead she had another plan that would put him in his place and would lead to him backing from the topic.

She was sure that the game plan was ok. She would start off fixing the bleed on the little girls brain before moving on to the young girls spine, retracting the glass that was next to it. Once she was finished and able to close up Calliope would set about fixing the young girls broken arm and leg while her sister and Arizona would go through removing the spleen and put a halt to the internal bleeding. Meredith knew that once her task was done that she could most likely scrub out but she was already worried that she wouldn't get the girl to walk again and she really wanted to see this through. That was why she had called in Jackson, her cousin and best friend. She knew that he could do the cardio part, even if he was going to play it all by ear and wait for her orders. She got permission from staffing to have him here. It was great knowing that your pull worked on so many levels when people knew who your parents were.

She had returned her electric chair to the back room while slipping into her usual one. She then had it planned that she would grab a quick cookie to munch on before getting into her other electric chair which she would use for the surgery. She knew that some would consider it a lot of running around but she was used to it.

She then moved into the scrub room and raised herself so she could begin to scrub in. Somewhere along the line she had put her scrub cap on which was decorated in sprigs of lavender - her favourite flower and scent. As she began to scrub in she heard someone enter behind her and they moved to stand beside her. At first she had thought that it was going to be Miranda, she was known for cornering her about things she hadn't approved of, but with shock she looked up to see her mother scrubbing in. She was silent for a moment before she heard her mother finally speak. "I have been waiting for too long to scrub in beside you."

To say that Meredith was shocked and moved would be an understatement and as a result she had no idea what to say.

"Your sister is now working with your husband resecting a bowel while he does a craniotomy on his patient." her mother added as if she had been expecting Meredith to have asked the question.

Meredith simply nodded in response as she finished scrubbing in and lifted her face mask up. "Are you ready to go?" she asked her mother who had been watching her very carefully.

"Yeah" she heard her mother sigh as she then lead the way into the room. To Meredith's first Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, her home.

….smile….smile…smile…smile

To say that she had been amazed by the surgeries progress was one thing, but the exhilaration was something she hadn't experienced before. So far her part had gone off without a hitch. The craniotomy had been perfect and she was just closing the spine, finishing the last stitch as the heart monitor went off signalling a flat line. Everyone looked at Meredith, waiting for her to make the call,

"Flip her" she said instinctively as soon as she finalised the stitch.

Meredith then wheeled her way back up to the head of the table. "Robbins start compressions." she ordered and watched as Arizona made the move.

"Where's Jackson?" she quickly asked her mother.

"He's supposed to be on his way in." Ellis replied as she flicked her eyes to the clock.

Once the heart beat returned Meredith knew that she would need to monitor the heart until Jackson got here so she sat in waiting.

Her own heart was racing. She prayed that she didn't need to go in. As it was she suspected that a clot had formed and the flow of the blood had been hindered. She knew that it was likely that she was going to have to cut and take it out herself. Last time she had done a cardio surgery it had gone bad, very bad and she had been lucky that she had a resident there that she could instruct to complete the surgery. She had been shattered that something else had been stripped from her, something more than her legs.

"Pericardial window" she said as she looked to her mother. "She's getting a clot."

Arizona looked up at her and Meredith could see the obvious doubt that was there.

"You're going to have to do it." she said to her mother who stepped back from what she was doing to the girls intestine.

"Meredith?" her mother asked and Meredith could see she was waiting for the go.

"You're going to have to do it. I cant get the angle." she said and everyone could hear the panic in her voice. "You know how?" she asked her mother.

"Of course" her mother nodded, "but Jackson"

"Is running late" Meredith stated knowing that her father was now watching, as was Derek.

"Talk me through it" Ellis stated as she gestured for the scalpel and moved up to the young girls chest "Its been a while." she reassured.

Meredith nodded and began talking her mother through the cut and opening up. Soon enough Ellis was retracting the clot.

As Ellis stepped back she looked up at her daughter. "Great work Dr Shepherd" she said and Meredith could tell by her eyes that she was smiling.

Ellis gestured for a resident to step forward and begin to close the chest while she returned to her previous work.

Meredith closed her eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath before looking at her shaking hands. Just then she decided to look up, only for her to see Derek smiling down at her while her dad stood to the side talking to Jackson.

"Arse" she mumbled and only her mother heard her.

Ellis looked up to see the same thing. "Stubborn old fool" Meredith heard her mother say which drew looks from all personnel working in the room.

It seemed like both Ellis and Meredith knew too well that they could have just lost that little girl and it would have been Richards fault and while Derek seemed to be smiling down at Meredith, she knew that in this moment the severity of what had just arisen had stood out majorly and the pride may have lingered in his eyes but the anger was roaring to escape too.


End file.
